The Hardest Part About Living with my Non-Vegan Partner

I’ve been with my partner for over 3 years now. Throughout our entire relationship, I have been following a vegan lifestyle, though I’d only just become a full-blown, ethical vegan when we first got together – he always jokes about how awful the timing was! I have come to notice that most vegans who have an online platform aren’t typically in relationships with non-vegans, and it’s certainly not something that we talk about enough as a community.

Having a non-vegan partner can definitely be challenging. Those of you who have had much to do with me know how passionate I am about veganism. When you’re so passionate, and you know what happens to the animals, you wonder how on earth someone you care about so deeply can condone these animals being tortured and murdered. I feel angry and frustrated that more people don’t make the connection – they don’t take action against the slaughter of these animals, or the fact it is leading to the destruction of our planet. So when you partner up with someone who doesn’t share those same fundamental views, it’s definitely an ethical conflict and a challenge. In fact, that’s the hardest part – knowing (and trying to accept) that we fundamentally disagree on such a pivotal issue. Sometimes I liken it to a couple having different religious beliefs, or political views. It’s difficult when the other person supports your views but doesn’t believe in them themselves.  

But tricky as it is, there are also positives. It challenges me, gives me great perspective and makes me realise that not everyone is the same. We can’t all be the same – can you imagine a world of clones? It would not be a very colourful one, and it definitely isn’t reality. I also think it’s beautiful that we can disagree on such a fundamental issue, but still be accepting and supportive of who each other is. It’s definitely something that regularly comes up in our household – we will have a disagreement about it, but ultimately come out stronger from having the discussion. I am so incredibly grateful for how supportive my partner is of my vegan lifestyle. He is open-minded, loves eating vegan food when I cook at home and enjoys eating at plant-based restaurants – in fact, he even hosted his own birthday shindig (by choice) at Eden, a vegan restaurant in Bondi! On top of this, he is extremely respectful and hardly ever has meat in the house – if he does it will always get cooked outside. It is just so important to have the discussion and find ways that you can come to a respectful agreement about how you, as a couple, will approach this issue. It’s vital to be considerate of each other and for couples to spend time discussing what works for them.

I’ve given up trying to change my partner. Relationships are hard work in themselves, but they are a damn lot harder if you’re constantly trying to change your partner. I know that he is on his own journey, and all I can do is show him how vibrant and fruitful (pun intended) a vegan life can be. Besides, if 6 years ago someone had told me that one day I’d be vegan, I would have laughed in their face and said ‘definitely NOT’. So I think there is loads of room for people to change and grow – that’s a beautiful thing about being human; we learn and we grow and we are constant works in progress. Something one of my favourite activists, James Aspey says is that the most passionate vegans often come from being the most passionate meat-eaters. Bring it on!

What it comes down to is that we are all on our own journey. You cannot force your views on anyone (although trust me, I try my best). Do I wish that my partner was vegan? Of course I do. I just don’t believe that it’s the be all and end all. We are all different, we share different beliefs and that is something that binds us just as much as it divides us. Check in with me a few years from now - you never know, perhaps you’ll find two vegans sharing evening meals together.